You Are Welcome Here

Rory: I don't want to be that girl.
Lorilie: What girl?
Rory: The kind of girl who falls apart because she doesn't have a boyfriend.


On a separate note: My pop just visited for a bit and while leaving I asked (jokingly) if I could move in with him (he cooks unlike my ma) and he said "Sure! Just... don't cramp my style." He's fun.






WELCOME, SWEET AUGUST!
It has been far too long! This is the return of a beautiful friendship !

Change of Plans

Tomorrow is the last day of my University Village lease, so I have to go down today to clear things up. I'm bummed about not being able to hang out in new york for the day but my sister and I decided to go again next week.

"maybe the truth is there's a little bit of loser in all of us, ya know? Being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things like wearing these pants or getting to a new level of Dragon's Lair - making those count for more than the bad stuff. Maybe we just get through it... and that's all we can ask for. "

Sister

I woke up this morning to my sister asking me to accompany her to KOP. She needed to get a professional adult outfit for her job interview with Sloan Kettering. I got a new book and read it most of the day while she shopped. SO, she has her interview tomorrow and wants company for the ride down which meeeeans I get to putz around the city for the day. Mmm <3 So excited.

Sisterhood

A girl that graduated a year ahead of me is in a coma. There's already an "RIP" facebook group devoted to her, she was alive this morning. I wasn't close with her or anything, but on the other hand, I feel like she's one of us. One of the whole; someone who walked the same halls, got dressed up for the same proms, went to the same football games, enjoyed the same town. It's tragic. It struck such a heartbreaking chord in me.


I'm watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 right now with my sister. I'm crying like a baby remembering everything I miss. I miss relationships I had with best friends and family members. I miss leaving home without worrying that someone I love won't be there when I get home. It's a paralyzing fear. I'm sad for my pop and my aunt dee, both all alone in their houses. But at the same time I'm so grateful that I still have time here. I've decided, right now, to surround myself only with people I can't bear to be without. I spend so much time worrying about what makes other people happy, people who don't care as much about me. That's not fair. It's not fair to the people who DO care about me. They're the ones who deserve my wanting to make them happy. "If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." New motto.

REAL

$ change $

Lucille Ball once said "If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it." I felt so much more productive when I had three rehearsals a day on top of being a decent student and a decent human being. It's like when I'm home, I'm a stagnant teenager, whereas in Philly I'm a young adult.
SO, feeling lazy and useless last night, I asked my mom to play tennis with me. We went to the park and played for about an hour. I missed tennis and I missed quality time with my mom. It was 7pm, overcast, and perfect. We're playing again tonight. Then, I went to Barnes & Noble to get new reading material. I got two books for me, one for my mom, and one for my gram. <33 75% off sales. 4 books for $28.
Laura and I moved my bed and "desk" (folding card table) in my house two days ago. There's nothing like trips down the turnpike with my best friend. We stopped at KOP for dinner. It just so HAPPENED that the Cheesecake Factory had a 45 minute wait so we would have been foolish not to shop around. And I would have been a million times more foolish to not buy the $89 nikes that were marked down to $9.99. I LOVE SALES.

ALSO: Laura and I decided to take a real trip to KOP tomorrow. I'm on the prowl for these gemz:::







Finally, Laura, Kristen, and I are planning a day trip to New Yerk. I have a lot of friends, and I love that. But I love, even more, that my best friends are unwavering.



OH AND PS: It's rare to find a guy that likes Casablanca. I like this.

IN ADDITION

Everything DOES happen for a reason.


EXAMPLE: I turned down an opportunity to be in a Fringe Festival play because it was about the "Death of God" (In Felipe's defense the meaning is up for interpretation but I wasn't comfortable being apart of something that could promote athesiesm when religion is such a strong part of my life.) BACK TO MY POINT: So, I felt uneasy about turning down a chance to be in a fringe show until this morning. I got a message from my friend allie who is directing a fringe show and needs an understudy (understudies actually go up a lot in fringe because performances are every day sometimes twice a day for a few weeks). The character's name is FuFu and I can't wait.

Tour de France

Sitting on my couch watch Lance continuously reminding me that real men exist. Watching this makes me miss Texas. My mom, Grandma Punker-Doodle, and I went to Austin a few years ago for the Tour de Roses race/ LiveSTRONG convention. The amazement of seeing Lance and Robin Williams (my favorite actor) in real life closely rivaled the amazement my ma and I felt watching a herd of cyclists gracefully doge my gram as she absent-mindedly (mildly retardedly) strolled across the road to get an orange juice. Once ma and I asked her what was (or wasn't) going through her mind as she ventured against 20 or so men with crazy thigh muscles and 3% body fat she said "well, they should know to let a little old lady get some juice!" She's a spunky one.


Visited my pop today. I need furniture for my house and he has plenty to spare. It's unsettling that even after five years, I still get choked up being in that house. My Gramma Pat took exquisite care of everything (and everyone) she loved. I decided to use her desk and one of her green easy chairs (that I used to sit in all the time while she's do her hair and plead with my to at least brush mine just once) for my new room. I miss her still. And what's worse, my pop misses her every day, all alone with the dog in that house that used to be filled all the time. I can't always be there for him, something that would eat at me if I didn't know how much he goes out. He has scheduled weekly gatherings with his friends all the time and keeps busy. I put his doo-wop classics cd in the stereo, turned it up so he wouldn't feel inclined to put his hearing aid in (he refuses), and baked a cake for him and his friends to have for their poker night tonight. My dad said it was a hit and my pop bragged to everyone about how I stayed all day.


So, I've been thinking... I always consider summer a time for self-improvement. You know, work on identifying and improving my flaws yadda yadda focus on me and putting myself first yadda yadda yadda. But, tending to my own needs is only part of it. I find myself feeling much fuller when I make my family (friends included, because, well that's understood) happy. I wasn't sure why I felt the need to stay home for this summer, but I just had a feeling that I should. Then I got to spend more time with the people that I love to tears. People I don't get to see too much during the school year. My Gramma Pat never EVER put herself first and she was one of the best people I know. And Jo-Anne, my neighbor and lifetime confidante! I get to sit on her patio with her and the new babies, drinking pepsi, and talking about everything. I love home. I'm FINALLY realizing that in addition to my ambitions, my blessings are just as fulfilling of an indulgence. Life is good.





Title Fight left for their big cross-country tour today. I miss em already!


I've been extremely emotional lately. On the verge of tears just about all the time without any clue as to the source.


AND I'm currently writing my own audition monologues. Those judges haven't read every play there is so they'll either nod and say "ah yes, I've heard of it" or say "hmmm should check that out". Either way they'll forget about the play my non-published self-written monologue was pulled from as soon as they look in the mirror or take a poo. I'm tired so it's time for bed.



OH, but! I wish I had balls, speaking metaphorically of course, when it came to boys. AND I wish I had more access to testing my metaphoric and possibly phantom flirting balls on MEN and not boyz.